Deer in The City

Yes, we have deer. Not that I didn't know this already because I've seen them with my own eyes in Rock Creek Park and along New York Avenue. Yesterday I saw two in my backyard.

I was standing in the kitchen and happened to look out of the window at something that moved in the Carmelite green space behind my yard. Sure enough, I saw a spotted fawn scampering about through the trees. I went into my sunroom to make sure that I was seeing correctly and then I saw the other one. This all lasted for less than a minute because soon both animals disappeared into the woods that separate our neighborhood from St. Anselm's School.

Later I mentioned my Bambi sighting to my next door neighbor who confirmed that he too had seen a deer in the back. He reported only seeing one and for a minute we discussed the various wildlife that are now a part of the urban scene. He claimed to have seen a fox, several racoons, possum and other animals normally found elsewhere.

Until yesterday, I was pretty cool about deer in the city because they were far enough away and my sightings of them were rare enough to make everything seem like isolated incidences. But once you see baby deer in your backyard you have to face the prospect of parent deer and other family members as well.

Of course, being a person who was born and raised in the city, this recent sighting has got me worried about future deer outings in my neighborhood. So far, the deer are confined to the woods and the six-foot fence that separates my proprty from the Carmelites. At the same time, there is a much smaller four-foot fence that surrounds the property on the 17th Street side and one day the deer will figure out how to escape. Then they will become a total menace--eating grass in people's yard, deer poop everywhere (just like the goose and duck poop all over downtown DC), and then the inevitable crash between animal and man-operated machinery. I can clearly see the deer carcass in the middle of South Dakota Avenue now.

Someway, somehow these deer are going to have to be controlled. Left to their own devices, deer will be everywhere, just like squirrels and pigeons which are bad enough. We have other forms of wildlife all around us, but they have sense enough to be small and useless. Deer seem to get bolder each year they live around humans. This means only one thing--Bambi and his brethren have got to go!

Man is the most obvious predator, but hunting is not practical. The only people able to operate guns in this city are the police or the city kids with illegal handguns, and we don't need any more reasons for the homicide rate in the city to increase. Cars and other motor vehicles will do their share of population control, but deer collisions can be deadly. Deer get as tall as horses and do as much damage to cars as SUVs. And with all of the green interests here, some idiot is going to suggest that we all try to live peacefully with the deer...that is, until he collides with one while riding his bike through Rock Creek Park.

Of course, we could sterilize them, which would control the population that we already have. That sounds harsh and inhumane, but then again, it is probably better for them as well. The main reason why they have ventured into the city is because of over-crowding in the neighboring wooded areas. They are just like us in that respect. When things get crowded, people strike out for their own space. That very inclination in us, to spread out, is the other reason why deer are everywhere. We've encroached on their territory.

I'm beginning to sound like that enviro-hippie. I'm wondering if there is a way for us to co-exist. I've been looking outside all day to see another deer out back. For no other reason than curiosity, I'm excited by nature being so close to me. That is, until it ends up in my back yard.

Damn Sam!

I went outside to pot up my tomatoes and I swear I spent more time pulling weeds. But as soon as I pull them, they pop up again, so it is hopeless.

The offending weed has yet to be properly identified, but I will suggest that it is kudzu and name him Sam. I hate Sam. He is in everything. He is growing out of dead tree stumps, along my fence, and all over my brick facade. He has popped up in spite of repeated courses of Weed-B-Gon and that black fabric that is supposed to suppress him. He is spiteful. He is nasty. Sam must die.

Sam has gotton so bold as to invade the area where my peach tree stands. That will not be tolerated! I have been laying mulch and carefully nurturing that area for three seasons so that I can finally enjoy the peaches, and now Sam wants to invade? I don't think so! Sam will not grow all over my peach tree. I repeat, Sam will not intertwine his spindly hooks into my precious peach tree.

That damned Sam will not continue to grow. I must fight and conquer Sam. He is everywhere. My neighbors appear to have given up and allowed Sam to grow uncontrolled. He is all over their yard too, which is why I believe he feels that he should enjoy free reign in my yard. No Sam, you will not take over my yard.

If I have to kill everything in the yard to control Sam, I will (everything but the peach tree). I don't care for the day lillies because they give Sam too much shelter. I have already killed everything on one side of the house, so there is nothing to prevent me from doing the same on the other side. And the front yard is such an eyesore that it could stand to be eliminated. Everything and Sam must go.

Damn Sam! He is turning me into a crazed lunatic, but no matter! He will be destroyed! This is my yard, and I will control what grows here, not Sam. I will even call in professionals. That's it, I'll call in a landscaper to deal with Sam. Together we will rid my yard of Sam! Hahahahahaha!

No more Sam! I can't wait!