Damn Sam!

I went outside to pot up my tomatoes and I swear I spent more time pulling weeds. But as soon as I pull them, they pop up again, so it is hopeless.

The offending weed has yet to be properly identified, but I will suggest that it is kudzu and name him Sam. I hate Sam. He is in everything. He is growing out of dead tree stumps, along my fence, and all over my brick facade. He has popped up in spite of repeated courses of Weed-B-Gon and that black fabric that is supposed to suppress him. He is spiteful. He is nasty. Sam must die.

Sam has gotton so bold as to invade the area where my peach tree stands. That will not be tolerated! I have been laying mulch and carefully nurturing that area for three seasons so that I can finally enjoy the peaches, and now Sam wants to invade? I don't think so! Sam will not grow all over my peach tree. I repeat, Sam will not intertwine his spindly hooks into my precious peach tree.

That damned Sam will not continue to grow. I must fight and conquer Sam. He is everywhere. My neighbors appear to have given up and allowed Sam to grow uncontrolled. He is all over their yard too, which is why I believe he feels that he should enjoy free reign in my yard. No Sam, you will not take over my yard.

If I have to kill everything in the yard to control Sam, I will (everything but the peach tree). I don't care for the day lillies because they give Sam too much shelter. I have already killed everything on one side of the house, so there is nothing to prevent me from doing the same on the other side. And the front yard is such an eyesore that it could stand to be eliminated. Everything and Sam must go.

Damn Sam! He is turning me into a crazed lunatic, but no matter! He will be destroyed! This is my yard, and I will control what grows here, not Sam. I will even call in professionals. That's it, I'll call in a landscaper to deal with Sam. Together we will rid my yard of Sam! Hahahahahaha!

No more Sam! I can't wait!