Worst House on the Block

My neighbors have now improved the look of their property, by planting flowers and weeding, so now we have the ugliest front, side and back yards. Despite my intention to improve the outward appearance of our home, I haven't done much of anything and it is now the middle of July. While Rick has diligently mowed the lawn, his efforts to do anything else to keep the yard looking neat leave much to be desired. And as the summer wears on, and as our yard gets worse, it is clear that if left to our own devices, the best we can look forward to is a continuation of the status quo.

Thus, it is time to call in the professionals.

Against my better judgment, we will need help, and lots of it. It will mean chemicals to control and evenutally kill Sam. It will mean removing hedges and digging up stumps. It will mean that the mole who has taken up residence in our yard will need to move on.

We can't help that neither of us is suited for yard work. I am lazy and Rick has no sense of style. He mows the grass, and he even got all excited about weed control, but his concern was dandelions. Sam was left to flourish along the fence. Every now and then, Rick attempts to clip the hedges--with very uneven results. He came in the other day with scratches all over his arm and left behind a nearly hacked to death azaelea bush.

After I viewed his handiwork, I realized we are ruining our yard. Rick will haphazardly trim things, and I have too short an attention span. At best, Rick should stick to mowing the grass and as for me, my only talent is maintaining someone else's work.

It is all rather funny when I consider how excited I was for the summer because I had so many plans. I had intended to grow more vegetables, more sunflowers, and to plant some pretty annuals in the side yard and tree space in front. None of that happened. I planted two dwarf sunflowers, which have now bloomed and died, so I have two very ugly stumps on the front porch. My tomatoes are a big wieldy as I forgot to stake them early on, so on two plants there are tomatoes hanging dangerously close to the ground. I have two pepper plants, but one plant only has two peppers on it (can't explain it at all), and the carrots that I planted have probably molded (I planted them in plastic pots with no drain holes...) I have no idea when onions are ready for harvest, and the same thing goes for white potatoes (which are actually green).

Yes, a multitude of issues, and here I am in front of the computer instead of outside in the yard. Frankly, I lost interest too quickly this year, and I think it had a lot to do with my unfinished flower beds on the side of the house. And Sam, the virulent kudzu. Oh and the moldy peaches. And I can't forget the mole tunnels, which have now killed significant patches of lawn in the back.

How did we get so lucky with all of these problems this year?